Ok, so I want to discuss something that has driven me crazy recently. Every time Glastonbury arrives, my Instagram feed transforms into a stream of celebrity festival looks that are essentially removed from the real world. I am referring to Alexa Chung in crisp white jeans and vintage band tees that never seem to get stained; Kate Moss in designer wellies costing significantly more than my monthly rent; and the influencers who arrive at the festival in full glam makeup and loose-flowing boho dresses as if they’re attending a garden party as opposed to camping in a field for 4 days.
I understand. These individuals have teams, they have budgets, they are photographed continuously. However, as someone who has actually attended festivals (including Glastonbury, twice, and believe me it was an adventure), viewing these curated looks appears to resemble someone creating a beach vacation based solely upon pictures from resorts. Beautiful to view, utterly meaningless in terms of functionality.
This whole idea became crystal clear to me last summer while scrolling through festival coverage while literally sitting in my tent at Green Man, wearing the same black leggings I’d been surviving in for 3 days because they were the only items I still felt resembled anything somewhat decent. At the same time, I’m observing images of Florence Welch looking ethereal with flowing materials and flowers in her hair. Girl, how did you accomplish this? How are you not covered in mud? How does your hair remain styled as such?
It’s simply crazy how disconnected everything is. For example, consider Hunter Boots. Each celebrity festival round-up includes at least three photos of someone sporting those tall green wellies, typically along side denim shorts and a vintage band tee. They appear fantastic in photographs, very “I’m outdoorsy, yet fashionable.” However, the thing about Hunter boots that isn’t mentioned anywhere in these glossy festival guides – they’re terrible for walking around a festival grounds. No cushioning exists, they’ll cause blisters after just hours of use, and due to their height and stiffness, you can’t truly bend your ankle when walking.
I learned this lesson the hard way at Reading Festival 2019 when I purchased a pair of Hunters due to seeing them featured so frequently in various festival style guides. By Day Two I was walking like a robot and had Band-Aid’s covering approximately half of my feet.
On the other hand, what works for festivals are incredibly boring forms of footwear – broken-in hiking boots or those clunky dad sneakers that everybody was bashing a couple years back. Functionality above all else since you will be walking numerous miles across uneven terrain, standing for extended periods of time and experiencing either mud, dust or both based on the weather.
Additionally, don’t even begin to get me started on the “festival hair” trend. Each year, there exist tutorials regarding the creation of the perfect “lived-in” wave, braids with ribbons threaded throughout them and glitter roots that shine beautifully in daylight. Meanwhile, anyone who’s ever experienced multiple days of a festival understands that regardless of how you attempt to style your hair prior to arrival at the festival, it will inevitably become a mess. The humidity creates frizz; you’ll likely be sweating profusely; and you will have little opportunity to style your hair properly considering you may be sharing one single mini-mirror with five other people in your camping group. In each of my two attempts to create cute hairstyles on festival mornings, I ultimately abandoned the effort by Noon and ended up throwing my hair into a messy bun using whatever rubber-band or elastic I found in my backpack.
The total wardrobe theme is similarly absurd. Celebrity festival looks are consistently comprised of meticulously crafted vintage pieces – the occasional Metallica Tour Tee from 1987, high-waisted Levis that perfectly hug your waist line, or some ethereal slip-dress that seems to stay perfectly clean and wrinkle-free although it is worn while camping. It’s similar to saying “oh, I just threw this on,” however it is obvious that this required the assistance of three stylists and a fully-staffed wardrobe team.
In contrast to celebrity festival attire, authentic festival dressing is primarily concerned with damage control. As a result of this concern, you dress accordingly – i.e., you choose clothing you don’t care if it gets ruined because something is going to get ruined. That vintage band tee you foolishly overpaid for on Depop? Forget about it. Those new white jeans that look amazing in photographs? Never. Instead, you pack multiple pairs of the same type of dark jeans because you can wear them multiple consecutive days without appearing dirty. Cheaper tops from H&M that you wouldn’t feel terrible losing or ruining. Rain jackets from reputable outdoor brands that will serve as a true rain jacket versus something aesthetically pleasing.
Another aspect that gets neglected is sustainability. These celebrity festival wardrobes are created specifically for the event. Once the event concludes, they’re likely discarded forever. Meanwhile, the rest of us are attempting to maximize our current wardrobe pieces. We’re figuring out creative ways to style the exact same three festival-friendly outfits multiple times over the course of several days. Creativity is developed through working with restrictions rather than having infinite options available.
Over the years I’ve improved dramatically at festival dressing largely due to learning as many mistakes as possible beforehand. Currently I pack as though I’m embarking on a long hike as opposed to a photo-shoot – functional needs come first, everything else follows. I focus on wearing dark colors for simplicity; comfortable shoes; layers for potential extreme temperature variations; and finally I ensure I’m not attached emotionally to any item that would render me distraught if lost or damaged. This allows me to enjoy the music instead of being miserable while constantly concerned about my attire.
One of my best memories from attending a festival involved wearing possibly the worst attire imaginable. Dancing until 3 AM in muddy clothes; borrowing someone’s rain poncho during a torrential downpour; forming bonds with strangers through mutual disappointment when inclement weather occurs – none of these experiences occur when you’re focused on maintaining some perfect festival look you observed in a magazine.
Perhaps what we require is more realistic festival fashion content. Show me what to pack if you’re sharing a tent with 3-5 others and limited luggage capacity exists. Inform me which affordable/retail items will continue to perform effectively after numerous uses in questionable weather. Provide me with formulae outlining how to create effective outfits given you have access to only one small mirror and only 5 minutes to prepare for your favorite performer/band.
Ultimately, at the end of the day, festivals are about experiencing live music and events – not about creating idealized Instagram photographs. While the celebrity festival fashion trends are enjoyable to observe, they are practically equivalent to taking a formal gown on a hike. Stylish to behold but completely ineffective when attempting to operate in reality. Pretty for photographs, utterly useless otherwise. .
1) The first part of paragraph 2 reads: “Every year when Glastonbury rolls around…”, remove “rolls” – e.g., “…Glastonbury begins…”
2) Paragraphs 3 & 6 contain excessive use of unnecessary words – e.g.: “it’s funny how” – remove these phrases.
3) Paragraph 8 contains an abundance of “the” references ; reduce usage.
4) Change: “I think celebrities should post more realistic content.” To: “More realistic content posted by celebrities would help.”
5) Add transitions between paragraphs to improve flow.
6) Remove repetitive language throughout sections 10 & 11.
7) Section 12 has redundant material from earlier parts of the essay – revise.
8) Remove superfluous sentence structure in section 15 – e.g., “However, there’s also something good that comes from finding creative solutions using limits rather than endless choices.
