The “Fashion Mistake” That Actually Makes You Look More Put-Together (And Why I’m Done Following Rules)

Okay, so I need to tell you about this moment that basically changed how I think about getting dressed. Emma (my seven-year-old) was having a complete meltdown about wearing stripes with polka dots – apparently her teacher Mrs. Peterson said patterns don’t match and now she’s having an existential crisis about her favorite shirt and skirt combo. I’m standing there in my kitchen at 7:30 AM, trying to convince a sobbing child that her outfit looks amazing while simultaneously wondering if I should change out of my navy cardigan because I’m wearing black jeans.

And that’s when it hit me – we’re all just grown-ups following rules that someone else made up about what looks “right.”

I mean, think about it. Navy and black together was supposedly this massive fashion don’t that our moms drilled into us. My mom still gets this look on her face when I wear them together, like I’ve personally offended her ancestors. But you know what? Some of the chicest women I see at school pickup are wearing navy blazers with black jeans, looking effortlessly put-together while I’m over here second-guessing my color choices.

Last month I was at Target (shocking, I know) and saw this woman who couldn’t have been older than my mom but looked so sophisticated I literally followed her around the store trying to figure out what made her look so… intentional. She was wearing a navy sweater, black pants, and had this black leather bag that looked expensive but probably wasn’t because, you know, Target. The whole look was so clean and modern, like she’d stepped out of a magazine but also like she could chase a toddler through a playground if needed.

That’s when I realized I’d been making my life way more complicated than it needed to be.

I started experimenting – carefully, because let’s be honest, I don’t have the budget or time to completely mess up my wardrobe. I tried wearing my navy Target cardigan with black jeans instead of automatically reaching for blue denim. Game changer. The navy actually made the black look more sophisticated, less like I was trying to hide stains (which, let’s be real, I usually am).

Then I got brave and mixed my jewelry. I’d been religiously keeping my silver wedding ring separate from this gold necklace my husband got me for Christmas, like they’d somehow cancel each other out. But when Jackson grabbed my arm one morning and I didn’t have time to switch everything to match, I just… left it. And you know what happened? Nothing. The world didn’t end. In fact, Sarah at preschool dropoff complimented my necklace.

It’s like when you realize you can put ranch dressing on pizza and it actually tastes good, even though it breaks all the Italian food rules your college roommate lectured you about.

The more I started breaking these arbitrary fashion rules, the more I realized how much mental energy I’d been wasting on stuff that literally doesn’t matter. Like, I used to panic about wearing white jeans after Labor Day – which is ridiculous because Minnesota weather doesn’t care about your fashion calendar, and sometimes it’s 80 degrees in October. Now I wear my white jeans whenever they’re clean and weather-appropriate, which honestly isn’t often enough because keeping white pants clean with kids is basically impossible.

I tested this theory at Jackson’s school Halloween party last year. I wore horizontal stripes – this cute striped top I’d been avoiding because every magazine ever told me they’d make me look wider. You know what made me look wider? The three kids I had before I figured out how to dress my actual body. The stripes? They just made me look like someone who knew what she was doing.

Three other moms asked where I got the shirt. One even took a picture to send to her sister. Suddenly this “unflattering” pattern became this thing I was known for – in a good way.

Here’s what I’ve figured out about breaking fashion rules as a real person with a real life: it works when you do it on purpose, with confidence. The key is looking intentional, not like you got dressed while breaking up a fight over who gets the last waffle.

When I wear navy and black now, I make sure everything fits well and feels deliberate. I’ll do a navy sweater with black jeans and black boots, or a black top with navy pants and a navy scarf. It’s not random – it looks planned, even if the planning was just “these are the only clean clothes I have.”

Same with mixing metals. I don’t just throw on every piece of jewelry I own (though with two kids, I’m lucky if I remember earrings). But I’ll wear my silver watch with gold stacking rings, or my pearl earrings with a gold chain. It looks modern and effortless, like I’m too cool to worry about matching everything perfectly.

The pattern mixing thing took more practice because it’s easier to go wrong. But I learned that if two patterns share a color, they usually work together. My floral scarf with tiny navy flowers works great with navy striped shirts. Polka dot tights (yes, I’m 35 and wear polka dot tights, fight me) look cute with striped dresses as long as the dots and stripes are in similar color families.

And you know what? My daughter Emma has stopped questioning her fashion choices. She wears stripes with florals and looks adorable and confident. Sometimes she asks my opinion, but mostly she just gets dressed in whatever makes her happy. Which is honestly how we should all approach getting dressed.

I’ve started noticing other moms doing this too. Lisa from Jackson’s soccer team regularly wears what used to be considered “age inappropriate” stuff – band t-shirts with nice jeans, sneakers with dresses, fun colored hair accessories. She always looks put-together but also like herself, not like she’s trying to fit into some box of what a suburban mom should wear.

The white after Labor Day thing has become completely meaningless to me now. I wore white jeans to Emma’s school Christmas concert and felt festive and winter-appropriate. White in winter actually makes more sense than in summer when you’re constantly worried about grass stains and ice cream drips.

My biggest breakthrough was realizing that most fashion rules exist to make us buy more stuff. Can’t wear navy with black? Well, now you need separate shoe and bag collections for each color family. Can’t mix gold and silver? Better buy everything twice. Can’t wear white in winter? Guess you need a whole separate warm-weather wardrobe.

But when you ignore those rules, getting dressed becomes so much easier. My black boots work with everything – navy, black, brown, even my one pair of burgundy pants I bought on clearance and wasn’t sure how to wear. My silver watch doesn’t clash with my gold wedding ring; they just look like I’m secure enough in my choices not to worry about perfect coordination.

I’m not saying throw all fashion sense out the window and wear pajamas to parent-teacher conferences (though honestly, some days that sounds tempting). I’m saying that a lot of the rules we follow aren’t actually helping us look better – they’re just making us more anxious about getting dressed.

Now when I see those Instagram moms who look perfectly coordinated in their all-beige athleisure, I think they look fine, but kind of… safe? Boring? Like they’re afraid to make any choice that might be wrong, so they make no choices at all.

Meanwhile, I’m over here in my navy cardigan and black jeans, mixing silver and gold jewelry, feeling like I actually have a personal style instead of just following a checklist someone else made up.

The best part is how much time this saves. I don’t stand in my closet anymore wondering if my shoes match my bag or if my metals coordinate. I just wear what I like and what works for my day – which usually involves at least one playground visit and definitely involves someone spilling something on me.

Emma asked me last week why grown-ups have so many rules about clothes when kids can wear whatever they want. I told her that maybe grown-ups shouldn’t have so many rules either. Maybe we should all just wear what makes us feel good and look intentional.

She thought about this seriously and then said, “So I can wear my princess dress to grocery shopping?” And you know what? Yeah, she can. If a four-year-old in a sparkly dress at Target isn’t a power move, I don’t know what is.

I’m done following fashion rules that don’t make my life easier or make me look better. Navy and black forever, mixed metals always, white jeans whenever they’re weather-appropriate and miraculously clean. These aren’t mistakes anymore – they’re just better ways to get dressed.