I’ve been conducting what might be the most ridiculous fashion experiment of my adult life, and my credit card statement is here to prove it. $580.47 on black tights in four weeks. Yeah, you read that right. My boyfriend thinks I’ve completely lost it, and honestly, he might not be wrong.
It all started with what I’m now calling The Incident. Three weeks ago, I was rushing to meet with a potential brand partner – you know, one of those meetings where you pretend your little fashion blog is actually a legitimate business enterprise – when my supposedly indestructible tights decided to stage a dramatic death scene right there on the sidewalk. We’re talking a run so catastrophic it basically reached my hipbone. This happened exactly four minutes after leaving my apartment, naturally, because the universe has a twisted sense of timing.
I spent that entire meeting with my blazer strategically draped across my lap like some kind of makeshift blanket, sweating bullets despite it being November in Chicago, internally swearing I’d never let hosiery betray me again. And thus began what I’m calling The Great American Tight Investigation of 2024.
My methodology was pretty straightforward – try every major brand I could get my hands on, from drugstore cheapies to the fancy stuff fashion editors rave about. Each pair got a full day of real-world testing, which in my case means running for the L, spilling coffee (always), sitting in uncomfortable office chairs, and doing that weird speed-walking thing when you’re almost late but not quite committed to actually jogging.
I made a spreadsheet because I’m that person now, apparently. Categories included price, opacity, comfort, durability, and what I’ve started calling the “roll-down factor” – basically whether the waistband stays put or gradually migrates toward your knees like some kind of nylon avalanche.
Let’s talk about the budget options first, shall we? CVS brand control-top in 80 denier seemed like a reasonable place to start at $6.99. Reader, they were not reasonable. They lasted exactly four hours before developing a hole in the most inconvenient location possible, like someone was playing a practical joke on me. The waistband also performed this amazing disappearing act, rolling itself into what felt like a tourniquet around my midsection. It was uncomfortable and frankly insulting. A generous 2/10.
Target’s A New Day 100 denier tights for $8 were… fine. Just fine. They’re the beige sedan of the hosiery world – they’ll get you where you need to go without causing any excitement. They survived a full day of meetings and only one minor coffee incident, kept their black color reasonably well, and didn’t actively try to murder my circulation. The fit was a bit loose by evening though, creating that slightly baggy ankle situation that makes you look like you’re wearing hand-me-downs. Still, for the price, a solid 6/10.
Walgreens’ Nice! brand (what a name, right?) 90 denier tights were $7 for a two-pack and honestly exceeded my very low expectations. They didn’t ladder, didn’t fade to that depressing grayish-black that cheap tights do, and survived an encounter with my friend’s overly enthusiastic golden retriever who has zero respect for my research. They did start to lose their shape after the first wash though, developing that telltale cheap-tight sheen. For seven bucks, though, can’t really complain. 6.5/10.
Moving up the food chain, Macy’s INC brand “ultra opaque” tights at $16 promised the world and delivered… not much. Despite claiming superior color retention, they faded faster than my motivation to go to the gym in January. The fit was decent but they seemed magnetically attracted to every slightly rough surface within a ten-foot radius. One brush against a wooden restaurant booth and they looked like I’d been wrestling with cats. Disappointing 4/10.
Here’s where things get interesting – Uniqlo’s Heattech tights at $19.90 were a complete game-changer. These things are like wearing a warm hug on your legs. The opacity is perfect, they have this lovely matte finish that makes your legs look airbrushed, and the waistband is wide and actually comfortable. After a day that included a twenty-minute walk when the Red Line decided to have another breakdown, they were still perfectly positioned. My only complaint is they might be too good at their job – I nearly overheated in a packed elevator and had to resist the urge to fan myself like a Victorian lady with the vapors. 8.5/10.
H&M’s 200 denier “super control” tights for $14.99 are basically leg armor disguised as hosiery. These could probably stop bullets. The opacity is off the charts – you could probably wear them with a mini skirt in a blizzard and still look put-together. They’re warm but not suffocating, and they stayed exactly where I put them all day long. The only downside is they’re almost too substantial – I felt slightly like I was wearing thermal underwear to a business meeting. For sheer “your legs will never be see-through again” power, 8/10.
ASOS brand 120 denier tights ($12) were weird. Like, genuinely strange. The color was great, deep black that stayed black, but the fit was designed by someone who apparently thinks all women have thighs three times longer than reality. They bunched weirdly at the knees and had this synthetic smell that lingered even after washing. Also, the crotch hung low enough to create what I can only describe as a fabric diaper situation. Hard pass. 3/10.
Now we’re getting to the fancy stuff, and this is where my credit card started crying. Commando’s Ultimate Opaque tights at $38 had been on my wishlist forever, and they mostly lived up to the hype. They’re incredibly soft, perfectly opaque without being bulky, and the waistband is this miracle of engineering that somehow manages to be both secure and comfortable. I actually forgot I was wearing them at one point, which has literally never happened to me with tights. They’re stupid expensive but if you calculate cost per wear over their lifespan, they’re almost reasonable. Almost. 9/10.
Spanx’s Tight-End Tights (someone in their marketing department has a sense of humor) at $42 were my white whale. I’d heard fashion editors talk about them in hushed, reverent tones. The seamless construction is genuinely impressive, and they create this smooth, flawless leg line that makes you feel like you should be posing for a magazine. They survived everything I threw at them – literally, in one case, when I tripped and caught myself on a brick wall. Not a single snag. The waistband is comfortable but secure, and they don’t budge once they’re on. If I were the type of person who gets emotional about undergarments (and after writing 3,000 words about tights, clearly I am), these would make me weep with joy. 9.5/10.
Sheertex deserves special mention because they claim to be “unrippable.” At $59, they better be lined with kevlar. The technology is genuinely impressive – they’re made with the same fibers used in bulletproof vests, which sounds like overkill for legwear but here we are. Performance-wise, they’re excellent. Perfect opacity, comfortable fit, and they truly seem indestructible. I may have deliberately tried to snag them on various surfaces (for science), and they passed every test. The only reason they don’t score higher is the price point – at sixty bucks, these better also do my taxes. 8.5/10.
Wolford’s Neon 80 tights at $45 are the holy grail of hosiery, according to basically every fashion person who’s ever existed. They’re buttery soft, incredibly durable, and create this perfect matte finish that makes your legs look professionally color-corrected. The fit is impeccable – they somehow manage to be both substantial and lightweight. I’ve had previous pairs last so long I started to wonder if they were immortal. These new ones seem equally promising. Yes, they cost more than some people’s grocery budgets, but they’re genuinely excellent. 9/10.
Swedish Stockings’ Lia Premium tights at $35 get points not just for performance but for having an actual conscience. Made from recycled nylon, they’re for those of us trying to feel less terrible about our fashion choices. Quality-wise, they’re great – good color retention, comfortable fit, decent durability. The waistband runs a little tight, which I actually prefer since it prevents the dreaded roll-down, but might not work for everyone. For sustainable hosiery that doesn’t suck, 7.5/10.
Special shout-out to Girlfriend Collective’s Compressive High-Rise tights at $38. These aren’t technically traditional tights – they’re more like leggings disguised as hosiery. But they’re opaque enough to pass for tights with the right outfit, and they’re ridiculously comfortable. Plus, they’re made from recycled plastic bottles, so you can feel good about your choices while looking put-together. Not quite right for every tights-requiring situation, but worth having in your arsenal. 7/10.
After trying literally dozens of pairs (my drawer now looks like a hosiery store exploded), here’s what I’ve learned. The perfect black tight is like the perfect anything – it depends on what you need it for. For everyday wear that won’t require a second mortgage, Target and Uniqlo are solid choices. For special occasions when you need perfection, Spanx and Wolford are worth the investment. For environmental consciousness without sacrificing style, Swedish Stockings and Girlfriend Collective deliver.
But here’s the real revelation – proper care makes all the difference. Hand washing is ideal but who has time for that? A mesh laundry bag on cold gentle cycle is the realistic compromise. Never, ever put them in the dryer unless you want doll clothes. And keep your nails smooth – half the “defective” tights I blamed were actually victims of my own raggedy cuticles.
The other thing I’ve realized is that fit matters more than brand prestige. A $15 pair that actually fits your body will outperform $50 tights that are the wrong size every single time. Most brands’ sizing is basically a suggestion anyway, so don’t be afraid to size up if you’re between sizes.
Look, I know spending almost $600 on black tights in a month is objectively insane. My therapist certainly thinks so – we spent a whole session unpacking what this research project says about my need for control in uncertain times. But you know what? Yesterday I wore my Spanx tights to an important presentation, caught a glimpse of my perfectly smooth, opaque legs, and felt this surge of confidence that probably added ten percent to my performance.
It’s the little things, right? The knowledge that your tights aren’t going to betray you mid-meeting, that your legs look professionally finished, that you’ve solved at least one small wardrobe problem in a world full of bigger issues. My bank account may never forgive me, and I now own enough black tights to outfit a small ballet company, but honestly? I regret nothing. Well, maybe those CVS ones. Those were a mistake.
Claire started Claire Wears to bridge the gap between fashion media and real life. Based in Chicago, she writes with honesty, humor, and a firm “no” to $300 “affordable” shoes. Expect practical advice, strong opinions, and the occasional rant about ridiculous trends.
